I’m trying to figure out what to do with my life. I graduated from college nine months ago (dear god, has it really been that long?) and I have yet to find a job. It’s hard to motivate yourself when you know that the odds of finding a job are very slim. It’s weird because there are so many job postings all over the internet (indeed, craigslist, monster, etc, etc) but it’s still difficult to “find a job.” I don’t know what I’m doing with my life at this point. The fall after graduating from college (fall 2013) I decided to take a few classes at my local community college (I moved back in with my parents after the summer because I still had no job and no money). I signed up for a photography class and a journalism class. I loved my photography class but boy was that expensive. I felt, and continue to feel bad, about using my parent’s money because they had to deal with me for 18 years and here I am again eating their food, using their water & electricity, and spending their money (not excessively I just mean in terms of things they have to pay for now that I’m back home). It just sucks being a kid of my generation because I knew that this was what would be waiting for me after college. The struggle to find a job and the struggle to figure out what to do with my life. Anyway, back to what I was saying. I took those two classes and enjoyed them very much. I decided to take some spring courses but found myself having a complete breakdown on the second day of school. Tears welled up in my eyes and I couldn’t control my breathing. I felt so horrible. I had spent four years earning a degree for what? To end up back where I started. I can’t help but think that I was, still am I guess, moving backwards. That day I dropped my classes and committed myself to finding a job. As of yet that hasn’t panned out either. I don’t know why I thought things would change this time around but I did. Nothing happened. Sure I got called in for interviews but the people I spoke with were, apparently, unimpressed by my experience. What do people want? How do I get hired? A 4 year degree from an accredited college does not seem to cut it nowadays. I often wonder what my life would have become had I chosen a different college or no college at all. Here’s a secret: I didn’t really want to go to college at all. When I was a teenager I never thought “when I’m in college life will be different” or “when I get to college things will be better.” College was not a thing that I thought was meant for me but it was a thing that my parents wanted for me. That’s probably the only reason I did go to college. It was for them but that’s when I thought the world of them, or at least one of them. Now I find it all to have been a waste. I’m a disillusioned 20-something year old and I want to fix that. So today is a new day (it’s technically night and in less than 30 minutes it will be a new-new day but bear with me). This will be a new blog. A blog about the things I love, the things I discover, the things I hate, the things that make me want to be a better person, the people who make me want to be a better person, and the things that I think need to be said. My journalism professor told me that writing consistently will help you develop as a writer and he’s right. If I want to go back to school and really work hard on my writing I need to be able to do that outside of school. I need to work on my writing any way I can and in any form that I can. So here we are. I started this blog years ago and now I will put it to good use. I borrowed the title from a novel I love but the words I write here will all be my own. There will be no room for anything else. Honesty. That’s what I’m giving you. The honest opinions and thoughts of a disillusioned college graduate. 

Let’s see what happens.

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